Transformers 2007

“With the Allspark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward, a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret… waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage and though we are worlds apart, like us, there’s more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting.” – Optimus Prime

What can I say? This movie got the babes, hunks, technology, action, sci-fi, explosions, humour, romance – everything! A must watch and I personally proclaim that this would be the biggest movie of the year in 2007!

I ain’t a fan of Michael Bay. Even when he was directing his earlier movies like The Island and Pearl Harbor, I didn’t took notice of his existance and for me, he was just ‘another Hollywood movie director’.

When announcements were made in 2005 back then about the plans of Bay directing this movie; only then my views changed. I begin to take notice of the stuff that he did, even back to the early days of filming in Holloman Air Base, Colorado and Hoover Dam in Arizona.

I just can’t wait to see the end results, and now after 2 years of waiting, all I can say it has been a long but fruitful wait. Optimus and the Autobots were given proper homeage even though they don’t portray much of their G1 forms apart from some character color schemes (i.e. Bumblebee & Optimus Prime) and names; as for the rest the feat just fits in the scope pretty well.

Decepticon was ever menacing, and this bunch was the fearless and most lethal Decepticon armies that I’ve ever seen! Unlike the cartoons where Megatron/Galvatron will reiterate over and over again uttering the same demoralising warcry ‘Decepticons retreat!’ after every ‘wham-bam-god-damn’ session with the Autobutties, in this movie they really kick ass and do mean serious trouble.

Bay – from sceptic to fanatic

Their presence was incessantly accompanied with chaos and destruction wherever they go; from flyways to byways, from the dam to the city streets; they strew all the damnation from their Cybertron asses like no one’s business assuring total anarchy.

Blackout – I ain’t a sellout you puny mofos!

I would love to see more metal brute and violence to be honest! Ignore the kids; they can go watch pokemons or some kiddie shows; we the golden age of 80’s fanboi’s wanna enjoy this all for ourselves. I wish the show was much longer; longer than the queer infested hobbits of LOTR. Awww! When Harry Potter gave me the creeps sleeps (owh yea? didn’t I toldja that I just doze off?), Transformers just amazingly mesmerized me as if I am being hypnotized as soon my butt was nailed to the cushion. Right when the classic Peter Cullen cum Optimus was giving his ‘opening’ speech, I was incessantly mumbling ‘OMG OMG OMGs’ with my mouth full of popcorns wanting for more of those ‘sacred’ voice!

Just like what ol-Kup did to Blitzwing, but this time is Jazzy!

When Blackout was making the opening sequence, I was instantly turned bad evil not realising that I was the same patrified puny homosapien that Blackout fried in SOCCENT base Qatar cheering for more deaths and massacre until Scorponok was released to the ground with a stylish Russian acrobatic leap from god-knows-where part of Blackout. (My Blackout toy says it was his back).

Shortlived duel between Bonecrusher and Primey. Time to rollout and fellout!

This ain’t no fairy tale shit, mm-mm..this is a sci-fi shit.

Duhamel and Tyrese made good souljahs thou Tyrese ain’t singin’ no R&B shit there. Sam Wikiwiki looks too young for Megan Foxxy like a 15 year old kid dating a ‘sisterly’ 19 year old sophomore! But they made a good pair though after his machoness outshine his earlier kiddie image when he was taking over Bumblebee’s duty as the Allspark keeper, making few runs, surviving few blasts and falls with old mean Meggie hot on his tails. If he was clad in a Marine’s uniform, he would have outshine Duhamel uberly to the max! Only then I changed my mind, telling that to myself, uhm uhm..they made a good pair after all!

What’s next dudes? Daniel on da’ way?? Remember ‘family planning’ wowkay?

Contortionist with a love of lean engines!

Bernie (and Glen) was all the time classic. With his Uncle Bobby B car-seller role and his famous ever catchphrase ‘A driver don’t pick the cars. Mmm-mm. Cars pick the driver. It’s a mytical bond between man and machine’, and ‘Well, sometimes the car picks a driver with a cheap-ass father’ instantly made trademarks for the show. The quote was as memorable as Star War’s ‘The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural’, but this one, outright funnier.

Hey Mammy!

‘I’m gon’ tell ya sumthin’ son…’

Cheapass father are you?

Getout of this shit if you can’t afford 5K’

There are few questionable loopholes and vague plot in the storyline. But I was putting much hope that those ‘questionables’ could soon be answered in the sequel/prequel in 2009. What keep playing in my mind was, were Scroponok and Barricade actually dead just like the others? I found the answers in the forum when Orci says, they will soon come to light. Fair enough after all.

Optimus – Wow you look tineee, and that’s lame!

My name is Optimus Prime, whats your name you underaged-15-year-old-who-tryina-mate-with-a-19-year-old?

What gave me the most goosebumps was the rendezvous between the Autobots and the couple at the back alley after ‘sorting’ themselves with a new form right after their stassis crash landed on earth. All of them handsomely took their new forms in pure style, unimaginable making it one of the most truly nostalgic and memorable part of the movie! I don’t mind rewinding to see that part umpteen times all over again thou!

I might be a bad cop, but I never fail no interrogation lessons! Dig it?

Rach…crappy accent to begin with. Ouch!

The only dissapointment was the story really short-lived as if it was a 10 minute fight with almost everyone dead. I also hated the fact that Megatron died too early. I hoped to see they do justice with his death by giving him a new form or being ressurected into something more manacing like Galvatron in the next movie. Otherwise, I will be sooo disappointed! Rumour says that was almost imminent due to the fact that the Allspark did something to him right before his death. The after effects of the Allspark might be one of the factor that he will make come back. If that was true, I would be happy just to keep my fingers crossed for that to happen!

Even Ironhide hearts John Woo maneouvering shit.

Starscream kungfu skidded on the street full of cars. He should learn how to skid cautiously.

My review sounds like I am a Decepticon pro-antagonist. I hate to say that I am. I hope to see more glory in the Decepticons with mightier warriors, army and wiser characters. That suffices so far as I see Starscream, Barricade and Frenzy made their point clearly making them smarter than their animated counterparts. Even Blackout wasn’t that bad either. Hope to see more smart ass Decepticons that have nothing else but global domination and destruction in their minds! Though in most part the plot lacked character development, I wouldn’t blame it as Transformers is not an overnight mini series long. It was goddamn 20 over years long epic. So it was clearly impossible to stuff in everything in a near 150mins run for sure.

Gah! Run for your lives..its more than meets the eye!!

For this flick I give 5 stars. Yes yes, cos I am a fanboi, so what? Keepin’ it real!